First school photograph

Something about human evolution makes parents see their own children as utterly captivating, and beautiful to boot. But not every child can be beautiful, because the world is full of really ugly people (just catch the tube in London and count the pretty ones in your carriage - you only need one hand) - so at least some of these parents are being deluded by nature.

The real question is, do they really know? How many parents actually realise that their kids are butt-ugly?

Well, one way to test how resilient nature's hypnotism is on these parents is the school photo - surely having your warthog of a sprog lined up against the glamour pusses in the rest of the class will give you an inkling of what you've created.

Luckily for us, we have one of the beautiful ones. And this is how we dealt with his first school photograph.

This is word for word a true story by the way. Not one bit of this is embellished.